Post 4 - I'm a people pleaser!

28/06/2024

I am pleased to report that since my last post I have been feeling very good, very normal.  I even got through ovulation time without too much hassle this month which is unusual as sometimes that can be just as bad.  I am a week before my next period so all that could change but as I am feeling great I thought it would be a good time to tackle a somewhat controversial topic, HRT AKA Hormone replacement Therapy.

In my last diary entry I was so fed up I made the decision that I would go on HRT.

I have said this before, then I recover for a couple of weeks and change my mind about the HRT and hope it was just a bad month and that I will soldier on through.   Then the bad month happens again and repeat.

This time I feel like I am still going to do it.

I mention above that HRT is a controversial topic.  I be starting with some basics about HRT that I have learnt, I will likely talk about the opinions of others and I am not in anyway qualified medically to offer advise on HRT.  I have done a lot of research in terms of reading menopause specific books, listened to 100’s of podcasts from the leading menopause experts and I have done many training courses in my field of personal training and Nutrition in terms of working with women going through the menopause years.   I know a little bit about a little bit in the grand scheme of things. 

I think that every individual should do what is right for them and if that is going on HRT or not, that is a choice we get.  The choice needs to be an empowered one, not a bling one and by that I mean we have to do our own research on what is right for us as an individual.

Firstly, I will start with my own reservations of going on HRT

They may surprise you as they have nothing to do with health or side effects.

1.       Finances – Here is Australia I believe it can cost anywhere between $60-$200 for hormones per month, this depends on which ones you go for and what you are prescribed.

The lower cost is fine, the higher and I’m like, shit, I need to try and find that from an already very stretched budget.  It’s another bill.  BUT – it’s a small price to pay if it helps me feel better when I need to feel better.  It will be money well spent. I am always saying there is nothing more important than spending money on your health.

2.       Commitment – I’m 43, if I start taking it now it’s likely I will be on it for at least 10 years, maybe even longer.   I used to be on the pill in my 30’s and I used to forget to take it all of the time, always messing up my cycle.  In my mind I worry that I will do the same so what’s the point. I always forget to take my supplements.  Writing this down makes it seem silly.  I will just adult myself better.

3.       “I want my body to be natural” – I have to say, this one is out of date and I had to do some un-learning here.  I came off the pill in my late 30’s.  I didn’t have a problem with it, I responded fine to it but I just wanted to be natural.  How many of us have said things like, I don’t want to put that shit in my body anymore?  Lots of people I know.  Hormones have come a very long way however there is some confusion around body identical hormones and bio identical hormones that I would like to do more of a deep dive into.  I’ll do a separate post but in a nutshell body identical hormones are exactly that, they are not un-natural.

4.       My pride – I pride myself on the fact that I take zero prescribed medications.  I know that I am very lucky and probably in the minority.  As it stands writing this today I am a very healthy girl as far as I know.  I rarely get sick, in the last 3 years I’ve been sick twice.  Covid back in the day and a 1-day tummy bug over 18 months ago.   I get the odd run-down day but most of my feel shitty/feel like I’m getting sick days are around my period.  I work 25 sessions a week as a PT with women in my gym and I think 90% of them have been sick in the last few months, I’m not sure how it is skipping me.

I used to get sick a lot.  Stinking colds mainly. I worked in an office in the city and I got on public transport a lot.  Now I work in an outside gym and I’m rarely on public transport.  This is a major factor I think as my hubby is a gardener and rarely gets sick either.

Getting back to the pride thing.  I pride myself on being as healthier as I can.  Not to an obsessive level but I am doing all the things to be healthy.  I am active, I lift weights and have a good amount of muscle, I try to eat within my energy needs (most of the time) my diet is balanced and I try to eat lots of different plants each week for my gut health.  I make sure I get enough sleep and I really try to limit alcohol, although this is my area of weakness but I am loads better than I was a few years ago.  So, because I am doing all of this my pride is telling me why should I start taking HRT I should be able to handle this.  My body should be able to handle this, I do all the right things.

I have since learnt that it does not work like that.

Sure all the above is going to help manage symptoms but even if I am still doing these things and I still feel rotten for 1-2 weeks of the month then something needs to change. 

Here is the thing I have come to realise.

No-one gets a medal for doing it the hard way!

I remember I wanted to have a natural childbirth 13 years ago when I had my daughter Hanna.  Most people want a natural one because it’s better for the baby but not me.  I wasn’t really informed at the time like I am now.  They only reason I wanted a natural birth was because I wanted to be tough, so I could say I had a natural birth.  Turns out, sometimes you don’t get that choice and I ended up having a C-section.

When I hear that people have natural births now on purpose I just think, poor bugger! 

Going through the menopause the hard way, for no valid reason if you think about it seems ridiculous. If we can get help then we should.

If you had a migraine, you would take a painkiller with out question.  You wouldn’t just struggle through it on purpose.

5.       I’m a people pleaser – this was a hard one to realise.  I didn’t think I was.  I wish so hard that I wasn’t.  I had a coach recently who said it too me outright that I’m a people pleaser and it cut deep, I was very defensive about it and felt a little angry that she had said it.  Why did I feel so hurt?  Because she was right and I knew it.   I’ve been thinking about it a lot since and she is right, I am.  I am getting better though.  I say no a lot more to things I don’t want to do.  I try not to spread myself to thinly just to please everyone but I care way too much what people think of me.  I hate that I do.

Doing my job I need to be present so much on social media.  This was a huge deal for me at the beginning.  Talking to the camera, taking selfies (which I still hate to do) and talking about my life, even doing this very diary.  My first thoughts are what will people think, will they laugh at me, judge me, will they like it, what if they don’t think I look like a personal trainer.  I really had to get over myself and stop getting in my own way.  3 years down the line and I still think all of these thoughts before every single post I do. 

I have to talk myself into every single PT session I do because I am always thinking what if I let them down, what if they don’t enjoy the session, what if they can tell I’m not in a great mood today.

Being a people pleaser is exhausting.  I don’t want to do it anymore.

I don’t real like to go against the grain because I’m worried, I can’t defend my opinion, I’m not great at arguing my point so I just avoid it.  I can be very easily influenced and make decisions very quickly which isn’t always a good thing.

Let’s take another example, drinking alcohol.  I will likely delve into this in depth at some point as it’s significant when it comes to managing menopause but for around 5 years now I have tried on and off the stop drinking.  The one thing that always brings me back to it is a party.  A 40th, a wedding, a hen party, basically an occasion where people expect me to drink.  I am literally writing it and it sounds so ridiculous, especially if you are reading this and you are not a people pleaser.  The rational part of my brain totally gets that.  Why the fuck would anyone expect you to drink?  Why do they care if you drink or not?  If they do then that’s a them problem.  I know this, but my mind struggles to get past it.  I like to please people.  I like to meet their expectations of me and not disappoint them.

I could go on with lots more examples but I want to bring it back to why people pleasing has stopped my starting HRT.

Because of its reputation!

HRT has a bad reputation and it’s not a valid one.

In the 90’s people were scare mongered by the press that HRT gave you breast cancer and most of the GP’s took their patients off it.  Plunging millions of women back into depths of menopause symptoms.

I know this to be untrue and I will explain more about this in my next post as it’s very important we know that facts about HRT for those who don’t.

However, the majority of women hear HRT and immediately think breast cancer!

As a people pleaser I don’t like to feel judged.  I care what other people are thinking about me.  If I say I am on HRT, what will they think?  They might think I’m stupid.

Haha OMG I’m writing it and loathing myself just for writing it down. 

Ok – not more people pleasing.

None of these stand as good enough reasons not to do it anymore.

Emma x

Post 1- I should have started this a year ago

Date - 31st May 2024

I should have started this a year ago.  That’s when I really started to notice the changes I was experiencing in my body.  Although I feel like things are ramping up more recently.

I will start with some background for those that are new and don't know me.

I’m 43 years old.  I am a Personal Trainer and a qualified Nutritionist and around 18 months ago I realised I was working with more women my age and older.  The conversation would naturally go to the menopause and I realised I knew nothing about it aside from the usually hot flushes.  I started learning, podcasts, courses, articles, studies and real life experiences from my clients. I became a little obsessed. I wanted to advise my clients as best I could on how I can help them without going into the “thinking I'm a doctor” lane.

As I was learning I became very hyper aware of my own body.  I’d seen a change in my cycle up to then but nothing too crazy, I mean, I was far too young to be worrying about the menopause right?  Wrong!

Fast forward 18 months and I feel I am fully in it.

Some weeks not so much, others it's intense but I think that’s what it will be like for the foreseeable.

A quick fact for this first entry that I think is important to know

When we go through perimenopause our oestrogen and progesterone levels are declining.

Today I just want to talk about oestrogen (AKA Estrogen depending on where you are from)

We have oestrogen receptors all over our body.

This includes our hearts which can show up as symptoms like increased blood pressure or cholesterol

Our brain - brain fog and memory loss, depression, and anxiety

Our lungs - asthma or changes in breathing

I’m literally scratching the surface here.

There is so much happening during this phase in our lives that we put down to other things.

It’s intense!

I wanted to write a diary of my experience for a few reasons.

Firstly, I really love to write.  I am no expert, my grammar and spelling may be bad and I write down what I think, so if you are here for literary geniusness (a good example) this is not the place for you. I don’t have a copywriter checking my work and if I aimed for perfection, I really wouldn’t get anything done. I just love to write.

Secondly, I have started tracking my symptoms in an app but I quite often want to write in more detail. This is where I got the idea to start a diary, for myself initially.  There is a lot of info out there from doctors and “experts” but there are not many real accounts.  This is where I decided to share it with others. 

Thirdly - I would like to bring awareness to the fact that peri and menopause is not just hot flushes, there is so much more we need to know.  I speak to a lot of women who have zero knowledge of it, I would love to be part of changing that so women can go on to make informed and empowering choices for themselves in terms of managing it.

I’m not sure how this diary will look.  I assume there will be no consistency as there doesn’t seem to be consistency in my symptoms yet and I want to keep it relevant rather than a diary about my life.  I will keep it real, honest and vulnerable.  I will bring a mix of anecdotal and science based facts, I think it’s important to do a mix of both.  I will share what I learn as I go.

I called it The Diary of a Peri-Girl as that’s what I still feel like, just a girl.  A girl who is keen to make sense of what is going on with my body so I can manage it better.  Menopause has such a stigma too it, old, passed it, dried up (that’s the worst) and that is the totally opposite of how it needs to be.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I love writing it.