5th August 2024
More of a life update
It’s been a week!
I am writing this entry from 32000 ft in the air, currently flying from Dubai to Manchester. The easy leg as fellow travellers will agree. Once you’ve got the 14 hour one out of the way the 7-hour flight feels like a breeze. I’m about the eat a breakfast meal for the 2nd time today and I couldn’t be more over plane food.
As this is a diary about my Peri experience, I’ll start with a little update from my last post. I got my period on day 21 again. I look back through my tracking and realise that for the last 6 months all my period have been on day 21 or day 22. I am moving forward with my commitment to going on HRT but I’ve had some life stuff thrown my way. However, I did go and get a full blood check done the other day, I am still waiting on the results of that. Just so I know I am going into it healthy.
When I return from the UK I will be making an appointment and starting HRT hopefully.
Back to my week.
My poor Dad was diagnosed with terminal bladder cancer in June last year. He also has Lewy Body’s dementia and we were never really sure which one would take him from us first.
As I write this, on Monday the 5th of August, at fuck knows what time because I’m in between times zones, (according to my watch its 8.17am but I think that Dubai time) he is still with us.
It all happened very quickly, as cancer usually does and he was admitted into the hospice on Thursday and we were told he will not be leaving and to say our goodbyes. 4 days later he is hanging on by a thread.
I never thought I would make it, I still don’t know if I will. I said goodbye over Facetime and made my peace with it but now I’m literally 8-9 hours away from getting there and the closer I get the more I hope he is waiting for me.
My dad is my hero. I literally thought he was the strongest man growing up.
I’ve been writing down all my memories of him in my notes in my phone.
He used to always reference Bob Marley “don’t worry be happy”, he even said it in his father of the bride speech at me wedding.
He always told me that he was proud of me and it used to make my heart burst.
I moved house a million times and he always helped me move. He never complained.
I got a job at the airport In Manchester when I was 23 years old. It was a good 40-minute drive from where we lived. I thought I could drive there myself but I kept failing my driving test. My dad used to take me to work at all hours, never complained. We used to have these massive deep chats.
He always looked on the bright side and I think I am the optimist I am today because as of our chats and his perspective on life.
It wasn’t until I was much older that I learned how he suffered with terrible anxiety all his life, you would have never have known, he hid it so well from me and my sister.
To see someone you love go through these awful diseases is heartbreaking. Being on the other side of the world from them means I’ve not been on the frontline. My mum and sister have done all the caring and I’m both so grateful but also guilt-ridden not to have been involved.
I also know it’s a choice I made 9 years ago. To move to Australia. I also new these times would come. My dad supported my decision to move and go create a better life, I take comfort in that. I have learnt that we make choices and we need to be accountable to them.
It felt nice to write about my Dad and I know we have a grieving process ahead that I have never had to deal with. I don’t know how that will look for me or my mum and sister.
I am happy to be going home to be part of it.
Next time I post my dad will have got his wings and will be at peace.
Emma x
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