Post 2 - Where I am at.

8th June 24

I think a good place to start is with today.

According to my tracker my period is due in 2 days and man do I want it ASAP!  For some context,  the last 3-6 months my period has arrived much earlier than it has this month, an average of 4-7 days early.  Then it seems to last for ever, my husband always says to me “why am I always on my period” haha right, fucking tell me about it!

I digress, back to why I need my period to come today.  Because I am an absolute bitch!  I am irritated by everything, everyone and I just want to be alone.  I am tired, so flipping tired and I actually felt like I slept ok last night.  I have zero motivation to do anything, everything is a push but I have shit to do.  Luckily its Saturday, all sport is cancelled this weekend because of the rain so I can get away with doing less.  My lovely husband has been sent out to do the food shopping, my daughter has gone to her friends so I thought writing in my diary would help me navigate how I am feeling.

Aside from my tiredness I am bloated but still want to eat the contents of my fridge

I am freezing then boiling so can’t bloody win

I have period pain

I am questioning all of my life choices in a very dramatic way

Today is a very bad day.

A new symptom this month for me is lumpy boobs. A couple of days ago I noticed that my boobs felt heavy so I had a feel.  They felt different, like I had my implants in them again and they were lumpy.  So of course the big C came to my mind and I started googling the hell out of it.  Its seems it is something called fibrocystic breasts which can happen around this time in your menstrual cycle.  I never really suffered with sore boobs, not since I was pregnant 13 years ago so I also had the FUCK what if I’m pregnant chat with myself.  Picturing myself taking my new child to school and people asking if I’m his/her grandmother playing in my head.

This is why I need my period to come today.

If it does it will solve all my problems.  The lumpy boobs will go away, I can continue to plan my life without a toddler in it and I can stop being a bitch. 

Can’t wait for tomorrow x